7 Thought after the Party

After the party with sports and barbecue, I dragged myself along the way back. Fatigued and spiritless, I lay on my bed with no strength to move upon arriving at the hostel. I was tired not only physically but also mentally.

I talked, laughed and played in the party with friends known or unknown to me. I smiled to everybody to show my friendliness and now I could tell that the muscle in my face was sore from keeping smile.

I played the games which I thought was for kindergarten children with the friends not because I liked these games but that I was afraid that I would be separated from the group if I didn’t join them. To keep the somewhat purposeful relationship, I had to do what I actually did not want.
Being someone else who is quite different from me myself, I feel bored, tired and even sick. It is too hard for me to deal with all such kind of social relationship. I just pretend to be someone else and try to appeal to others. I hate that.

I just want to be myself, do what I like and do not do what I dislike. I have thought about my ideal life many times. Living in a natural but not backward place, I can enjoy the charm of the nature. Drink a cup of tea and read the classical literature beside the big window with fresh breeze blowing my hair. In the night, I go to visit the kind old lady next door to me. Sitting near the fire to warm ourselves, I listen to her legendary story. Away from the noise, the aggressive competition and complicated relationship as well as evil, worry and stress, life is peaceful and tranquil.

However, such kind of life can just be imaged, it is not practical. In addition, this is not considered to be the so-called right and positive attitude toward life. I have been taught to compete and conquer everything in life since I was young.

But that is not really what I want.

Although it is said that life is a journey. But sometimes I feel so passive and I have no chance to choose my direction.

Maybe, life is to make one more mature and sophisticated to do even what he does not like still with passion and interest. I still have a long way to go to reach that point.